


Thoughts

by luxshine



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Alternte Personlities, Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2003-03-02
Updated: 2011-04-04
Packaged: 2017-10-17 14:35:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/177892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxshine/pseuds/luxshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the second Emo-hawk incident, something quite unexpected happens to Rimmer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Written 28/01/2003. I've seen the whole Red Dwarf series… three years ago a couple of months before breaking up with my boyfriend, who was the one who got me hooked on it in the first place. Now, I've only got Season 8 on tape, along with 'The End', and some assorted episodes from season VI and VII (Yeah, I got Blue. I pestered my ex for long hours to get that one on tape). They say that you can see it in Mexico. SO far, I've got no luck. But I'm saving for the Dvd's.

"Any case, I don't think I can face becoming… him again. Everyone got his limits"

Those words kept playing on Lister's head, as he watched the frozen Emohawk on the medybay of the Starbug.

He was all alone. The Cat was still checking himself on the mirror, getting his hair 'just right', obviously still traumatized for his four hours as Dwayne Dibbley. Kryten, as usual, was doing laundry.

Rimmer was on the cockpit, enjoying the last of his 24 hours under the effect of the Emohawk's drain.

And Lister was confused. Rimmer had talked about himself as if he and his true personality were two different people. It was very easy to believe that… especially after watching Rimmer risk his own life to save them. It was not only the looks. Rimmer was really acting like Ace Rimmer, his duplicate from the other dimension.

Both Kryten and Cat liked Ace better than Rimmer. And it was obvious they liked Rimmer better like this.

Then how could they ask him to get his bitterness back?

How could Rimmer take it so easily after telling them so clearly that he preferred to die before returning to his old bitter, smegheaded self?

* * *

Rimmer watched the vastness of deep space, keeping an alert eye to any sign of danger. Still, he was more worried about what was going on in his mind than of any attack from the Gelfs. He was sure they wouldn't take kindly the dissapearance of both the husband and the pet of the leader's daughter, so he had to keep watch… and still, the idea of the Gelfs didn't worry him as much as the fact that in one hour, he wouldn't be keeping watch at all.

He was going back. Back to being… him. To being so immersed in bitterness that he wouldn't be able to recognize the good things he had in life… He didn't even want to think about that, because he knew that as soon as Kryten injected him with the Emohawk's dna strands, he would be convinced that he had been insane thinking about Kryten, the Cat and Dave as his friends.

He wouldn't even think about Dave as 'Dave'.

Still, he couldn't blame Kryten for wanting to restore him. As he was now, Rimmer wouldn't hesitiate into throwing away his own life to save Dave. Hell, he had already done that twice in less than 24 hours, and almost killed Cat while he was at it. And Dave needed him. His mission, his only real reason to be alive instead of being a pile of white dust, was to keep Dave sane and living.

If he really died, he couldn't fulfill his mission. Even if that little detail had slipped his mind when he had dived over the granade, Rimmer knew it was true. Without Holly, there was no way of getting him back.

Still, he couldn't help but wish he could stay as he was now.

But sacrifices had to be made for the sake of his mission.

At that particular moment, Rimmer would die again before putting his own wishes before Dave's needs.


	2. Second Thoughts

"Oh… dear me." Kryten looked quite puzzled, as he lowered down the needle that contained Rimmer's bitternes.

"What's wrong, Krytie?" Rimmer asked, just as Lister was going to do the same.

"Oh… well… it seems that I've meet a most puzzling situation, sirs." Kryten explaiend, looking quite flustered. "As we all know, once a polymorph has succeded on stealing someone's emotions, the only cure we've found so far to restore the victim is to retrieve the DNA strands from the Polymorph and inject them back, as we did with the Cat. I hadn't anticipated any trouble with restoring Mr. Rimmer since the Emohawk could absorb his emotions, however, since his body is composed entirely of hard light… there is no DNA strands to be restored. I must admit, I'm at a loss of what to do."

"You mean, you can't cure Rimmer?!" Lister asked, quite surprised.

"Not right now, sir. No. " Kryten actually sounded dissapointed. "I'm afraid it will take me some time to find a solution to this dilemma."

"Don't apologize, old chump." Rimmer finally said, smiling as he stood up. "I'm sure you will find a way."

For a moment, Lister thought about following Rimmer, but instead he turned around to face the mechanoid.

"Why are you even trying?"

"Excuse me sir, I don't understand the question."

"Rimmer. You hate him like he was. We all do. Why do you want him back as a smeghead?"

"Sir, I am merely fullfilling my duty to insure the health of all crew members. As nice as it is to see Mr. Rimmer like this, we must remember that he is notin his right mind, and that it must be our number one priority to bring him back to his normal, arrogant, cowardly, bitter self."

"Whatever." Lister sighed, and left the room.

Kryten watched for a few moments, and when he was sure that the human was out of hearing range, he muttered a soft order into his CPU.

"Lie mode, off."

* * *

Rimmer was convinced that they were forgetting something.

Sure, the only way to cure a victim of a polymorph attack was to restore their DNA.

(And, exactly how had the thing nabbed him in the first place? If he had no DNA strands to be restored, how the thing had managed to take away his emotions?)

Still, he was sure old Krytie was forgetting something really important.

For a brief second, the idea that perhaps the mechanoid was actually hidding something occurred to him, but he dismissed it quickly. As much as Kryten hated ol' 'smeehee', Rimmer was sure Krytie was uncapable of sabotaging Dave's safety.

As he thought of that, he stopped and frowned. He was sure he had, if not actually had proof, at least accused Kryten of doing exactly that on more than one occasion. But he couldn't pinpoint when, or how…

"Rimmer, are you there, man?" Lister's voice interrupted his thoughts, and Rimmer turned around, flicking his head to keep his now blond hair from his eyes.

"Sure thing, Davey. You need anything?"

"Just to talk." David admitted. "You took quite a bite, right?"

"I'm surprised the Emohawk could still move after the feast it took." Rimmer laughed. It was true, though. He still thought that the poor thing could have imploded after taking on his bitterness.

Wait a second… 'Poor thing'?!

"Why do you do that, man?" David interrupted, and Arnold lost whatever he was thinking. "Bring yourself down so hard. You ain't that bad."

"No need to lie, Dave." Arnold shrugged, as he casually looked at the screen to make sure they were still on course, and still safe. "I know what kind of weasel I am."

"Was." David corrected. "You were a smeghead, yeah. Not anymore."

"Not until Krytie finds the way to restore me, right?"

"What if he doesn't find a way?" David asked "What if there is no way."

"I trust his capabilities, Dave, you should do the same. Besides, it will be for the best. Like this I cannot trust myself not to…" As he spoke, Arnold put his hand on David's shoulder, to show everything was all right. However, as soon as he did it he knew it had been a mistake. It was the first time he had touched, really touched Dave since… well, since three million years ago. Trying to get his thoughts on focus, he turned to the screen, only to be greeted by the sight of the Simulant half destroyed ship.

He had never been so happy to hear a Blue Alert situation in his whole death.


	3. Too much time to think

Blue Alerts, by definition, were not something to be worried about.

Not because they weren't alerts. An alert was something to worry. But because they were usually things that Lister **could** more or less solve.

Which was not to say that a gerbil could have solved it too. It was just that. well, maybe the gerbil would have found a way to avoid encountering said Blue Alert.

Lister had a bad habit of going towards danger and the incredible good luck to get out of said dangerous situations with some ease and without many consequences.

This particular Blue Alert proved that rule. It was caused because the Simulant ship that had made them go down in an hostile planet to try and repair the Starbug in the first place was floating near the Starbuck. Lister's good luck made itself known because the Simulant ship was empty. Lister's lack of survival instinct was fully recognized by the others when Lister decided to go and loot the ship in search of much needed provisions.

Had Rimmer been in his full five senses plus bitterness, he wouldn't have had some troubles objecting to the plan as it was stupid, reckless and quite dangerous for Lister. mostly because holograph's subconcious would have a very hard time pushing through the bitterness to admit he was trying to protect the last human of the universe. In fact, had he had his bitterness his main reason to object the plan would have been that it could risk his own safety.

But he had lost his bitterness, and his common sense (His cowardice, Kryten would have said if anyone asked) had a hard time trying to remember that if he died, Dave would be left alone. The only thing in Rimmer's mind was that the Simulant ship was a death trap for any human, and that of all those on the ship, he was the most expendable one.

"If anything happens, I can shut my light bee." He explained to Dave, when his friend objected that if the Simulants captured him, he would be tortured. "Don't worry, Davey-boy. I'll return safe and sound."

David Lister opened his mouth, as if to say something more but, quite surprisingly, shut it down again and allowed Rimmer to go down by himself to the Simulant ship.

(Allowed being too soft a word. More like, Rimmer convinced Kryten that it was on Lister's best interest to stay on board of the Starbug and togheter they tied Lister to one of the seats. Cat didn't need much convincing to stay)

* * *

  
Lister looked with horror as the simulant ship exploded. He was so horrified with the idea that Rimmer was inside, and that it was his fault that the hologram had been there alone, that he almost didn't registered the escape pod.

But whatever brief relief he felt over seeing that Rimmer was indeed safe inside the escape pod, upon seeing the still unfamiliar smile and the still uncharacteristic selfless Rimmer telling them not to worry, that he could wait for the rescue without much fuss, was quickly destroyed when Kryten told him the time it would take for them to catch up with the pod once it went through the worm hole towards wich it was going.

600 years in Rimmer's perspective. 3 days for the Starbug.

Rimmer was going to be left alone 600 years.

And that worried Lister, much more than what he was ready to admit.

In the last few days, he had seen a side of Rimmer he had never seen before. At least, not on Rimmer himself. He remembered quite well how perfect it had been to be working at Ace Rimmer's side, so long ago. Despite the fact that Ace was in fact another Rimmer, Lister felt quite at ease with the other man, and they had become friends almost instantly.

Pretty much the exact oposite of what had happened with him and Rimmer.

But now, now that Rimmer was acting more and more like Ace. It was getting quite hard for Lister to remember why he hadn't liked the smegheaded gimboid in the first place. He knew that everything he disliked on Rimmer was actually a direct consequence of Rimmer's bitterness. and that Rimmer's bitterness had very good reasons to exist. Rimmer had talked a lot about it ever since the accident that had taken his life.

Back then, Lister had been sure that Rimmer's bitterness was an integral part of the other man's personality. Even after meeting Ace, who was only different from Rimmer by being held back a grade at school, he still believed that Rimmer could never change.

An Emohawk had proved him wrong.

Bitterless, Rimmer was no longer a gimboid or a smeghead. Rimmer was. nice. And fun. and.

And likeable.

Three days.

Six hundred years.

Lister hoped they would hurry.

He hoped that 600 years alone wouldn't make Rimmer become a selfcentered gimboid again.

But he also hoped they would.

Because he missed Rimmer, and he couldn't talk with the "new" Rimmer. Not without thinking how wonderful Rimmer was, and realizing that Rimmer had always been like that, hidding his true self behind bitterness.

He was having too much time to think about that.


End file.
